Eviscerating reading. I'm thankful to have found your Substack. Your soundtracks to 'Dear Esther' and especially 'Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs' are the greatest videogame/ interactive media soundtracks I have ever had the privilege of listening to. I listened to 'Shielding Songs' while reading your account. It is the funeral of my best friend next week who was sometimes deeply neglected and mistreated by the medical establishment in his battles with schizophrenia. I'm also giving a service at my Unitarian Meeting House in which I will talk about my friend and I will choose one of the tracks from your new album as the closing music, thank you :)
EDIT: Having read your last blog entry I want to balance the sad with the good and say that I'm really glad and thankful my friend had been much happier and healthier the last two years, going on holiday with his parents and myself the last two Summers. I'm going to miss him forever; he had some great times.
I am so sorry you had to write this. My bowel surgery was far less traumatic though being on a recovery ward with 5 other men, 3 with dementia, 1 who would sit bolt upright in their sleep at 2am and shout that the Yorkshire Ripper was at their bedside, and 1 with severe anger (non)management issues which had him ferociously kicking my bed at 3am (useful sequencing there) was not an experience I’d like to repeat too often :)
And you are absolutely right about the need to focus on yourself and immediate family.
'A butterfly pinned' is such an absolutely accurate way to describe it. I'm so sorry that you had a similar experience and I hope things are easing for you now. Thanks for reading
Your words moved me very deeply. Thank you so much for writing to me and I'm just so sorry to hear about your best friend. You must be suffering very deeply, not just from the loss, but also the trauma of their neglect. I feel honoured that my music will be even a tiny part of the service. A huge thank you. And I've just read your edit- why is it that the empathic people who are going through the worst of times are the kindest and most thoughtful people? I'm glad you had good times, but I'm not going to say 'hold on to that' because I hated it when people said stuff like that to me. The good memories come back in time but I also hope you can give yourself space to process, to grieve, to feel sad- and I hope you have a good deal of support during this very rough patch. Take care.
That is such a moving piece of writing and I am so sorry you had to suffer that treatment
I am so, so fucking sorry. If it's any consolation, you're an eloquent, damning writer. I'm glad you're still with us. x
Thank you - that’s so kind of you x
Horrible reminders for me with your eloquent writing.
After emergency abdominal surgery for a blockage/adhesions, I felt like a butterfly pinned, vulnerable, ignored and immovable to my bed.
Vomiting and ignored during the night, a nurse tossed a kidney bowl to me with a tut tut and flounced off.
Nursing? I think not..
Eviscerating reading. I'm thankful to have found your Substack. Your soundtracks to 'Dear Esther' and especially 'Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs' are the greatest videogame/ interactive media soundtracks I have ever had the privilege of listening to. I listened to 'Shielding Songs' while reading your account. It is the funeral of my best friend next week who was sometimes deeply neglected and mistreated by the medical establishment in his battles with schizophrenia. I'm also giving a service at my Unitarian Meeting House in which I will talk about my friend and I will choose one of the tracks from your new album as the closing music, thank you :)
EDIT: Having read your last blog entry I want to balance the sad with the good and say that I'm really glad and thankful my friend had been much happier and healthier the last two years, going on holiday with his parents and myself the last two Summers. I'm going to miss him forever; he had some great times.
I am so sorry you had to write this. My bowel surgery was far less traumatic though being on a recovery ward with 5 other men, 3 with dementia, 1 who would sit bolt upright in their sleep at 2am and shout that the Yorkshire Ripper was at their bedside, and 1 with severe anger (non)management issues which had him ferociously kicking my bed at 3am (useful sequencing there) was not an experience I’d like to repeat too often :)
And you are absolutely right about the need to focus on yourself and immediate family.
And about the narcolepzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I’m lost for words.
Thank you so much- trying to keep shining every day.
'A butterfly pinned' is such an absolutely accurate way to describe it. I'm so sorry that you had a similar experience and I hope things are easing for you now. Thanks for reading
Your words moved me very deeply. Thank you so much for writing to me and I'm just so sorry to hear about your best friend. You must be suffering very deeply, not just from the loss, but also the trauma of their neglect. I feel honoured that my music will be even a tiny part of the service. A huge thank you. And I've just read your edit- why is it that the empathic people who are going through the worst of times are the kindest and most thoughtful people? I'm glad you had good times, but I'm not going to say 'hold on to that' because I hated it when people said stuff like that to me. The good memories come back in time but I also hope you can give yourself space to process, to grieve, to feel sad- and I hope you have a good deal of support during this very rough patch. Take care.
Thank you for writing- I'm so sorry that you went through that. Hope you that your health is somewhat stable now. Any operation is traumatic.
Thank you so much for taking the time and energy to write with kind words
Holy shit. I’m horrified at what you’ve undergone. You’re an amazing human being and deserve so much better. Shine on, girl. Shine ON!
Horrible reminders for me with your eloquent writing.
After emergency abdominal surgery for a blockage/adhesions, I felt like a butterfly pinned, vulnerable, ignored and immovable to my bed.
Vomiting and ignored during the night, a nurse tossed a kidney bowl to me with a tut tut and flounced off.
Nursing? I think not..